Irritable Male Syndrome
by The Creatress
Summary: Mione thinks she's found out why her husband's such a jerk: IMS. Sev doesn't want to go into therapy. Because of everything he's done for her, Mione doesn't want to force him. But will Sev take advantage of the situation? An evil Sev that we all love...:D
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I wouldn't be here if I owned HP; all my fics would be in the books! 

A/N 

Creatress: Here's my second one!!!! 

Sev: And what unholy torture will I be put through this time? 

Angie: Oatmeal!! Make him not be able to make oatmeal!!! 

Devie: Why did so many of our readers think that the Mac N Cheese was oatmeal??? It was yellow… 

Sev: Argh!! 

Creatress: What?! No. No oatmeal. 

Mione: He can't make oatmeal either. 

Sev: What the-?! I can so! 

Mione: You probably can't. I've thought about it; even did some research. 

Sev: (raises eye-brow) Indeed? 

Mione: (nodding solemnly) Indeed. 

Creatress: giggles Sev looks pissed… Now, there's an idea… 

luv   
Creatress 

xXxXxXxXxXxXx 

Irritable Male Syndrome 

Hermione sat in a big, comfortable sofa in the Snape household's library/study. It was her favourite place in the house to do some reading; the room was so relaxing and calm. Usually, she was at her desk or in the comfortable, brown sofa with some book or another, but today, she was flipping through a magazine. It wasn't Potions Weekly, or the Charms Annual; it was a muggle womens' magazine: Creatress Magazine. (A/N: yea, that's right; couldn't think of anythin better; just keep readin) 

Hermione herself was surprised that she liked it; a year ago, she would never have thought she'd read every month's issue, cover to cover. But here she was. Contrary to what people usually think about these womens' magazines, they were full of interesting, intellectually stimulating articles that were quite different from the make-up tips, weight-loss fads, clothing ideas that people usually associated with them. 

As Hermione flipped through the pages, something caught her eye. _'Have you married a jerk?'_ the article's lead-in asked, and though Hermione had no idea why, it seemed to her that the question was very nonchalant. 

'Have I married a jerk?' Hermione asked herself, searching her brain for an answer. 'Of course, I have no - ' 

Just then, she heard the front door slam shut and the whole house seemed to shake. 

Hermione frowned, wryly. 'Sev's home,' she thought. 'I should go and greet him.' 

Just then, she heard another ear-splitting crash and Severus Snape's voice shouting angrily at Marvil. 

'Or not.' 

Nevertheless, she got up and straightened her white, short-sleeved peasant top and navy blue, denim skirt and slipped into her open-toed white sandals before walking out of the study. She silently crept into the hallway outside the study and looked down the staircase, so that she got a birds' eye view of the action. 

"Leave!" Severus Snape barked at Marvil, towering over the house-elf. His face was twisted in anger. "Out of my sight! Now!" 

Marvil, looking like he was about to burst into tears, scurried up the stairs as Severus turned and stalked angrily into the sitting room. 

When Marvil appeared at the top of the stairs, Hermione grabbed him by the arm. "Marvil! Shut up!" she snapped when he squealed. 

"Miss Mudblood will let go of Marvil!" Marvil snapped back. 

Hermione frowned and fought the urge to punch the stupid elf in its stupid face. "What happened, Marvil?" she asked, keeping her tone calm and even, making sure that it voiced the authority she had over him. 

Marvil calmed down and Hermione let him go. "Marvil hear the door open, so Marvil goes to see what happened and he sees Master enter the house. But Marvil trips and pushes the coat stand into the wall." 

Hermione raised her eye-brows and looked down the staircase again. The coat stand was standing; no doubt Severus had magicked it up again. The coats and cloaks did look a little disheveled though. 

"He snapped at you for that?" Hermione asked. She didn't like the house-elf, but nobody deserved to be yelled at for a small accident. 

Marvil shrugged. "Master comes in, looking angry already." 

Hermione nodded, now understanding. Of course. Severus had already met some trouble that put him into one of his moods (meeting Fudge seemed to do that to him; when Severus had accepted the summer job of heading a team that was set on developing counter attacks to some highly effective curses, he hadn't expected to have so many meetings with that bumbling fool who somehow managed to get himself elected over and over again) then came home to a crash that threw him over the edge. 

Hermione tsk-tsked, knowing that it would annoy Marvil. "Go find something to do with yourself, Marvil, and stay out from under his feet." 

Marvil glared and her, and Hermione resisted the urge to smirk smugly. Marvil absolutely hated taking orders from her, because of her family and how muggle they were. Nevertheless, he had to obey his new mistress and he grudgingly stalked off. 

Hermione then started down the stairs to go to the sitting room to see what was bugging Severus. When she got there, he was sitting in the creamy-coloured armchair, head back, eyes closed, a shot of whiskey in his right hand as his left massaged his temple. He was wearing a black shirt and black pants, his cloak having been thrown into the corner of the triple-seater sofa to his right. 

Hermione shook her head as she stood in the doorway. He looked so out of place in the room. He was the only shot of black in the sitting room, which was done in warm, welcoming colours of off-whites and light caramels, and furnished with a rich brown wood. It had been her design, of course; it had been her idea to buy the house, totally against his wishes, so why should he have bothered to help with décor? 

Smiling a little at the memory, Hermione glanced around her at the interior of the house. It was three stories high, quite large, with a sprawling front law and backyard. If it wasn't for the fact that it was a wizarding neighbourhood, it reminded Hermione of the home she had grown up in with her parents. But being in a wizarding neighbourhood was good, too, especially with the Lupins next door; Severus had been… quite annoyed, let's say… when he'd found out. 

Speaking of which… 

Hermione turned her thoughts back to Severus, who got up to refill his shot glass. 

She stepped into the room and regarded him. 

"Is there something you need?!" Severus suddenly snapped, his back to her. 

Hermione frowned. After years of them having been together, it still sometimes felt like he treated her as if she was still his student at Hogwarts. "No, Sev, I wanted to see if you needed anything." 

Severus turned around, and his eyes quickly ran over her before he raised an eye-brow at her. Hermione stopped herself from smiling to herself; he looked incredibly attractive when he did that. 

"Is that so?" he asked, his voice low and silky, a small smirk tugging at his lips. 

Hermione almost smiled and rolled her eyes. "Why are you so upset?" she asked, instead of replying to that very subtle beginning of foreplay. Slytherins and subtlety went together quite well, but she was quite good at picking up on hidden meanings behind his words. 

Severus frowned. If there was release to his anger, he obviously would not be searching for it within sexual indulgences with his wife. Oh well. Back to the whiskey. 

Hermione frowned when he didn't answer. "Sev…" she said, exasperatedly. 

"You want to know what is wrong?!" he snapped again, throwing her a scathing look. "I just spent two hours listening to Fudge, followed by another four with a team of dunderheads who should not have been allowed to pass second year!" 

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Hermione immediately offered. 

"No, I do not wish to think about work now," Severus muttered savagely, turning back to the wine cabinet and picking up a bottle. 

"I meant…" he heard Hermione say. Her voice sounded closer, Severus thought. And as confirmation, her hand fell on his and she pushed the bottle back into the cabinet. Severus turned around curiously and was caught off-guard when she slid her arms around his neck and placed a kiss against his lips. "Is there anything I do to help you feel better?" 

Severus smirked. "Perhaps," he muttered as he wrapped his arms around her waist and slid his right hand under blouse. As he caressed her bare back beneath the blouse as he felt for her bra, he unintentionally tickled her, and Hermione grinned as she arched her back. He placed little butterfly kisses along her jaw line and throat as she buried her face into his neck and breathed in his scent; he smelled lightly of cologne and some sweet spice. His lips then found hers and he ravaged her mouth with his own; kissing her, while licking and softly biting. 

_DING DONG!!_

Hermione froze as she remembered something.

"Ignore it," Severus ordered, his voice now muffled by her throat. 

DING DING DING DING!! 

"Oh, God, Sev, please - " she was mumbling, trying to find the words to ask him to stop. She needn't have bothered. 

Even Severus froze this time. From the front foyer, Remus Lupin's voice rang out. "Severus, Hermione, your door's broken!" 

Severus closed his eyes and growled in irritation, extremely offensive curse words and hexes running through his head at once. 

Hermione smiled apologetically up at him and raised herself up on her toes to peck his cheek, but thought better of it. Instead, she squeezed his hand and he looked at her, a tired expression on his face. "I am going to sleep," he informed her and stalked out of the room. 

Hermione sighed and made her way to the foyer where Remus was swinging the door back and forth. "Good afternoon, Hermione," he said.

"Remus," she smiled back. 

Remus turned back to the door. "I leant on it and it just sprang open. Did you slam it?"

"No." 

Hermione turned around in surprise. Severus was standing behind her, looking at Remus and the front door with an agitated expression on his face. "I closed it." 

"Oh?" Remus asked, a little amused. 

"And you, Remus, would make excellent legal counsel for those charged with break and enters."

After Severus had gone to take his nap and Remus left after chatting and picking up the bottle of Pepper-Up he'd come over to borrow, Hermione went back to the study to read the magazine. 'Have you married a jerk?' the magazine asked again. Hermione blinked. Seeming to read her mind, the magazine went on. The next line said, 'No, you haven't! He's just got IMS!' 

xXxXxXxXx 

"Oh my God, Hermione, that makes perfect sense!" Tonks exclaimed. 

It was later on that day, and Remus and dragged Severus away next door to help him flush an annoying boggart out of the attic. Hermione and Tonks were in the sitting room, having tea. The magazine lay open to the IMS article in front of them. 

"Irritable Male Syndrome," Tonks read. "He has all the symptoms! Look: 1) Gets angry at everything. 2) Blames others for anger…" 

Hermione shifted uncomfortable in her seat. "The magazine says that he should get help, straight away," she told her friend. 

Tonks looked up at her. "So?" 

Hermione frowned and gave her a pointed look. "Would you like to tell him?" 

Tonks snorted and patted her stomach. "Pregnant women shouldn't do stupid things, Mione. I'm sorry; you're on your own. I'll stick around if you would like… Make sure he doesn't kill you." 

Just then, the front door opened again and Hermione heard Severus and Remus walk down the hallway. Hermione bit her lip and picked up the magazine. She was suddenly glad that they couldn't apparate into the house or out of; it was a security measure against thieves, but it also just gave her a warning sign that Severus had come back. 

Severus entered the sitting room first, and after giving Hermione a nod (Severus was never one for even the smallest signs of affection in public), he settled down into the arm chair. Remus, on the other hand, kissed Tonks' cheek as soon as he sat next to her on the loveseat. 

"So, what have you ladies been doing?" Remus asked. 

Tonks smiled slyly. "Well, we were just discussing something quite interesting. Weren't we, Mione?" 

Hermione's eyes widened. _Shut up, shut up, shut up,_ she willed Tonks with her mind. No such luck. 

"You would find it quite interesting, Severus," Tonks added. 

Severus quirked an eye-brow as he picked up a cup of tea. "Indeed?" he asked. "And what might this be about?" 

"Nothing - " Hermione started.

"Now, don't be silly, Mione," Tonks interrupted. 

"No, really," Hermione insisted. She couldn't believe Tonks was doing this. It was one thing to have theories about Severus Snape and bring them up to him in private, but if he found out that she'd been discussing them with Tonks… 

"Now, Hermione, I would like to know myself," Severus stated. 

Remus grinned. "Now, I'm curious, too."

"Really, it's nothing," Hermione repeated. 

"Fine, be that way," Tonks said with a roll of her eyes. Then, to Hermione's horror, she turned to Severus. "Severus, your wife feels that you have Irritable Male Syndrome." 

There was a silence for a second. Then, both men asked, "What?!" 

"What in blazes is that?" Remus asked. 

"It's a muggle theory on why Severus loses his temper so often," Tonks explained, nonchalantly. 

Severus turned to Hermione, a questioning look on his face. Hermione, on the other hand, stared at the carpet, refusing to meet his gaze. 

Remus raised his eye-brows. 

"I hardly see the reason a theory would be needed to explain why I lose my temper easily," Severus said. He smirked a little. "I'm just like that."

"A jerk?" Hermione asked without thinking. As soon the words were out, her eyes widened and she clapped her hands over her mouth. "I'm sorry… " 

Severus chuckled. "I never thought I would see the day when Hermione would apologize for pointing out the obvious," he stated. 

Hermione tilted her head and looked at him, curiously. This was not the reaction that she had expected. 

Remus shook his head. "I agree with Severus," he said. "This is just ridiculous. No offense to you, Hermione, but muggles always seem to be coming up with scientific reasons for poor habits that are just excuses in disguise." 

"Exactly," Severus concurred and started nodding as Remus started to list them. 

"I mean, how many are there now?" Remus asked. "I'm not lazy; I have chronic fatigue syndrome. I'd like to pay attention but I have attention deficit disorder. I'm not two-faced; I have Stockholm syndrome. I'm not fat; I'm pregnant." 

A hush fell over the room. Remus paled at what he had just said and Severus abruptly stopped nodding. Hermione looked at Remus in horror and turned to Tonks, who… looked quite scary… 

All of a sudden, Remus scrambled to his feet and ran out of the room. The three in the sitting room heard his footsteps echo down the hallway and heard the front door slam shut. 

Severus and Hermione looked at Tonks, who suddenly looked calm. She got up and brushed her robes off. "I shall be leaving now," she announced. "I'll see you two tomorrow."

Hermione scrambled up to walk to the front door with her and Severus caught sight of the magazine which was still open to the page on IMS. After paragraphs of the example of a happy couple who had gone through rough patches because of IMS, it finally started on the actually syndrome: A sign of mid-life crisis, occurs mainly in middle-aged men; Symptoms include anger, sarcasm, defensiveness, blaming, withdrawal, anxiety, defiance, being argumentative, feeling unappreciated, frustration… 

Severus then heard Hermione footsteps down the hallway and a second later, she entered the room. She saw him holding the magazine and instantly regretted leaving it alone with him. 

"This is… interesting, for lack of a better word," Severus muttered. 

Hermione looked sorry as she walked up to him. "I'm sorry, Sev, I really am," she said. "It was just an idea." 

"Stop apologizing, Hermione, it's starting to make me feel a little nauseous," Severus muttered. He took her hand and pulled her down into his lap. 

"You are not angry?" she asked. 

Severus smirked. "No," he stated. "On the contrary, I'm amused." He looked at the magazine. "How long have you been thinking about this?"

"I just read it this afternoon," Hermione mumbled, also eyeing it with a frown.

A moment passed in silence.

"Does this bother you?" Severus asked, suddenly.

"What?"

"My temper," he stated, flatly.

"No," she replied, truthfully. "Well, it did at first. You know, back when we first met."

Severus' lips quirked a bit.

Hermione caught the expression on his face and almost rolled her eyes. "And later, it didn't. I guess I got used to your… behaviour…"

"Being a jerk, you mean?" Severus asked, a full-blown smirk on his face.

Hermione gave him a look. "Well, if you insist on calling it that," she said. "Sure, being a jerk. In any case, I guess I never really thought about it until I read this article."

"If I'm such a jerk, why did you marry me?"

Hermione stared at him, and no immediate answer came to mind. "Umm," she mumbled. "I'm not sure…"

Severus raised an eye-brow, the smirk gone.

Hermione shrunk a bit under his gaze. "Because I love you," she finally decided on saying.

Severus almost smirked again, but had the decency not to. "Then can we just forget about this?"

"What?!" Hermione asked, aghast. "No! Of course, not!"

Severus frowned. "What?"

Hermione braced herself, and choosing her words carefully, she spoke, "I know you think this is rubbish, but I think we should talk to someone."

"The Lupins were someones. We've talked to them, and the matter's settled," he replied. Severus did not know why, but there was a small knot of fear that was starting to build in his stomach.

"I mean someone professional."

"No."

"Sev, please…"

"No," Severus repeated, his voice low.

Hermione looked at him with pleading, watery eyes. She honestly looked worried.

But Severus was used to dealing with students with puppy dog eyes and whatnot, so he was relatively unaffected… Relatively…

"Right," Severus said, studying her. "Why are you so worried about it?"

"Because left untreated, IMS can break people up," Hermione replied, readily, her voice shaking a bit.

Severus raised his eyes to the ceiling and sighed in exasperation. He felt Hermione wrap her arms around his neck and lay her head against his chest. "Sev, _please_," she begged.

Severus looked down at her and fixed her with a serious gaze. "I've done a lot for you," he stated. "I'm not one to recite poetry to you about how I would cross an ocean and withstand fire for you, but I have faced the Unforgiveables and risked my life for you."

Hermione smiled into his chest. He had…

"Therefore," Severus continued. "You have absolutely no right to even think about our relationship crumbling, or to even suggest therapy."

Hermione sighed. "I suppose you wouldn't fare well at a group Irritated Males Anonymous meeting anyways."

"Exactly."

xXxXxXxXx

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Nothing else?"

Severus looked at Remus with a frown. "Yes, Remus, that's what 'that's it' usually means."

They were sitting in Severus' office at the research facility, having lunch.

"And she just let it go?" Remus asked, incredulously.

Severus sighed. "Once again, Remus, that's what 'that's it' means."

"Wow," Remus muttered. "How did you convince her that you didn't have that syndrome?"

"I didn't," Severus replied. "She still thinks I have it. In order to have gotten out of therapy, I guilted her into remembering everything else I did for her."

Remus raised his eye-brows. "Like what?"

Severus stared at him. "You know," he said, not really wanting to get into details. He had a reputation to maintain – he was not romantic flower-bearing poet. "Stuff from my spy days."

Remus sat back in his chair and frowned. "You shouldn't hold that against her, Severus. I can barely think of a night when she didn't cry herself to sleep because of you."

Severus gave him a disdainful look. "I think we would both agree that she's better off alive and depressed than dead and nothing."

Remus mirrored the look Severus gave him. "Thinking of her like that doesn't bother you?"

Severus pretended to think for a second. "No," he said, flatly.

Remus looked disgusted.

Severus sighed. "It's all in the past. What's done is done. I warned her before she committed – I wasn't one to play it safe and she'd be lucky to see me alive and well for more than a day."

"You seem to remember it lightly," Remus pointed out, wryly.

"Of course."

"Which is why I'm so surprised you haven't taken advantage of the present situation," Remus stated.

Before Severus could ask him what the hell he was talking about, there was a loud knock on the door.

"Enter."

The door opened and Stephen House, from the medicals department, entered, looking a little flustered. Filius Flitwick, who had also picked up a summer job in the medical department, followed.

"Snape, Lupin, we'll need to hide out in here for a while," Stephen stated, closing and locking the door behind him.

Filius collapsed into the black couch. "Fudge is looking for us," he explained as Stephen sat down beside him. Severus was seated behind his desk and Remus was seated on the other side.

"What happened?" Remus asked, taking in the men's weary expressions.

Stephen and Filius exchanged looks. "Let's just say something went wrong with our experiments today," Stephen stated, gruffly.

Stephen House was tall and lean with short brown hair and piercing, blue eyes. He was an intelligent man, and he was very much like Severus in many ways. He was sarcastic, unmindful of how he affected others – or he just didn't care, and looked at all situations with a "How would this be of advantage to me?" approach. He was a good man, however, and was honourable. People were quite surprised when his meeting Snape didn't end in death or someplace else, equally unpleasant, but what could Stephen and Severus say? They fought very little, because of shared perspectives and Stephen agreed with Severus on many matters…

At this point, the author would like to add that both of Stephen's legs were in good condition and Stephen is not addicted to anything… I'm not that good with crossovers.

Stephen fixed Severus with amused eyes. "So…" he muttered. "You have IMS?"

"Who in the blazes - ?!" Severus turned to Remus, who looked shocked. "Remus!"

"What? I never! I only told - "

"Filius, who told me," Stephen ended.

Severus turned furiously to Filius, who shrunk back into the couch. "I never… er… thought you would find out?" Filius offered lamely.

Severus decided to ignore him and turned back to Remus. "Why did you tell him?!" he demanded.

"I was in trouble last night!" Remus explained. "I couldn't call you for help because I knew you had the IMS thing to deal with, so I called Filius!"

"Why were you in trouble?" Stephen asked.

Remus opened his mouth to reply, but no sound came out. He then dropped his gaze to the floor.

"He called his pregnant wife fat," Severus supplied and ignored the scathing look Remus sent him at that moment.

Stephen's raised an eye-brow. "I thought you were the nice one?" he asked Remus. "Not many can deal with hormonal women anyways." Without waiting for a reply, he turned to Severus. "So, are you going to therapy?"

"No," Severus replied. Stephen opened his mouth to ask another question. "No, my wife's not forcing me."

Stephen regarded him with curiosity. "That's it?"

Severus raised an eye-brow. He looked from Stephen to Remus and back again. "Yes," he replied, evenly.

"Huh," Stephen said. He leaned back into the couch and raised an eye-brow at Severus. "I would have thought you would have taken full advantage of this situation."

Severus once again looked at Remus and Stephen with a curious look upon his face.

"I'm surprised, Severus," Filius added. He grinned. "But, I always thought that you were more pleasant nowadays to people. I'm pleased that you're not going to play with your wife's feelings."

Severus stared at him, too for a moment. He turned his gaze to all three men. "What the hell are you three talking about?"

Filius and Remus glanced at each other, but Stephen didn't even blink before answering. "Well, Severus, if your wife is anything like mine, and I'm going to assume she's a lot like Ally (a/n I'm not much for subtlety) because of that whole SPEW thing, she'll go crazy when she finds out something's wrong with you and then do anything, I mean, _anything_, to help you overcome whatever it is."

Severus blinked, shocked. At himself, that is, for not thinking of this himself.

Stephen continued. "All you have to do is play the part of actually admitting, or pretending, that you have a problem."

Severus looked at him. "So I agree to go to therapy…"

Stephen shook his head. "Say you're going and then duck out to some bar or something. What's she going to do? Make you bring home a note from the doctor? And when you get home, she'll be so warm and fuzzy about you making an effort that she'll do anything for you."

Even as Stephen was talking, the plan was unfurling in Severus' mind and a small, evil smirk started to play across his lips. Unfortunately, Remus noticed.

"Don't!" Remus immediately spoke up. "Don't even think about it, Severus."

Filius rolled his eyes. "Severus is back," he muttered.

"You shouldn't lie to her, Severus," Remus insisted.

"It's not lying," Severus replied, lightly. "Every time we do something like this, it's called a battle of wits… Speaking of which, we haven't done that for a while."

Stephen smirked, Filius looked worried and Remus frowned. "You would take advantage of her love for you like that?" Remus demanded.

"I'm not," Severus replied, calmly. "I'm taking advantage of this nonsense named IMS. Her own fault for bringing it up."

Remus shook his head in disbelief. "Severus, this is the lowest thing ever. Nobody would do this. Stephen's just shooting his mouth; he would never." Stephen tried to interrupt, indignantly, but Remus continued. "Watch, when the moment arrives, you won't be able to bring yourself to go through with it. You're not like that. You wouldn't."

Severus smirked. "Wouldn't I? I'm a jerk."

To Be Continued…

xXxXxXxXx

A/N

Creatress: DUN DUN DUN!! Evil Sev is back!

Sev: Here, here…

Mione: Mmm…

Creatress: What's going to happen? Will Sev go through with it? Will Mione find out?

Sev & Mione: Of course, I will.

Creatress: Tune in next time! But first… REVIEW!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I wouldn't be here if I owned HP; all my fics would be in the books!

A/N

Creatress: Sevvie's going evil!!

Sev: YAY!!

Mione: (blinks)

Creatress: What?

Mione: Sev cheered at being called Sevvie…

Sev: (blinks) ARGH!!

Creatress: There? See what you did?

Mione: (rolls eyes) Just what he'd do later after he reads what you're planning…

Sev: What? What? What's going on??

Creatress: … umm… nothing… Anyways, to all my readers, I'm so sorry I couldn't update sooner. I tried, and now I'm updating from the school library. I have no internet at home (we just moved and there were mix-ups with the mail boxes, postal codes, etc, etc, the problems never end)… So, yeah…

Sev: Excuses…

Creatress: …shaddap…

luv

Creatress

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Irritable Male Syndrome Chapter 2

This chapter's dedicated to penname jayne.doe… You'll see why… :P 

Hermione was playing her piano in a sitting room upstairs when she heard Severus enter the house. Her fingers stopped and she grinned widely as she got up to go greet him.

The previous night had been great. After their conversation, Hermione had felt greatly at peace with Severus' temper, and she knew it wouldn't break them up… Severus was right – they had been through too much already – their teacher/student relationship, the age difference, Voldemort, the war, the number of times Hermione had to say something along the lines of "Yes, I'm married to a former Death Eater, and yes, I realize that some people still suspect him, and yes, I know that they tried a genocide against all Muggle-borns, and yes, I realize that – so sorry, Sev – I may therefore wake up dead one morning, but you know, I just love the danger of that…"

Actually, no, that last one really wasn't a hardship to overcome, it just lead to a weird role play situation…(ahem)

Speaking of which…

After their conversation, they had make-up sex for half the night, and everything was back to normal. It was as if that stupid article had never been existed…

Severus entered the house, already prepared for his plan. He had taken a minute, getting into … the right mood. It came easily to him, being a former spy and all – so he wasn't even fazed from his somber and unfeeling mood when Hermione bounded down the stairs and shot into his arms as a greeting. Easily resisting the urge to smirk as usual, he hesitantly brought up his hands to gingerly touch her back.

Not that he was really hesitant… All of the things he would say, everything he would do was improvised, yet convincing, acting – once again, a remaining souvenir of his spy days.

For her part, Hermione hadn't really noticed anything was wrong until she looked up at him. So he hadn't hugged her – that wasn't too surprising, he wasn't much at displays of affection. But his eyes were dark and serious… He was troubled, but she couldn't see that in his eyes because it was like he was wearing a black shield over them. Hermione was no stranger to this expression – he had worn this shield before and through-out the war.

Hermione stepped back a bit and stared at him, confusion and concern clouding over her own eyes. "Sev?"

"I must speak with you," he said. His voice sounded a little forced.

"What is it?" her voice had dropped to a whisper.

Severus opened his mouth, but then looked at her for a moment, then closed it again, looking away.

"Sev?" Her voice was pleading.

"I've done something tonight," he stated, staring at a Muggle picture of her that hung in the hallway. She looked so innocent in it – taken at seventeen, she was on her knees in the grass, wearing a white, light, summer dress. Her body was turned away from the camera, but her face looked directly into it, eyes shining, cheeks rosy, her lips in a soft, angelic smile. She looked just like an angel – and she was that. His own angel…

… who married a sinner who, though he _had_ fallen in love the night he kissed her, hadn't really changed his ways…

Severus fought a smirk at the thought, and succeeded. "I'm not proud of it," he continued, his voice low and emotionless. He turned his cold eyes onto her again. She was watching him, intently. He gazed into her scared eyes for a second. "I… would never even think of hurting you," he said, pretending to choose his words carefully.

Hermione didn't say anything and only listened to him, as a lump formed in her throat. Her first reaction was that he had cheated, but she quickly pushed that thought aside – Severus would never. Now, she was scared…

"But," he said. "Now, I'm afraid I may."

"Sev - "

"I crucioed someone at work today," he interrupted her.

Hermione's eyes widened. "What?" she whispered, disbelievingly.

"I crucioed someone at work today."

Questions flew through Hermione's head. "What?! Who?! Why?!"

"Stephen House," Severus replied, quietly.

"Stephen?! Alice's husband – Stephen?!" Hermione gasped. "Oh, God…"

"Yes." Severus stopped and looked at her. He would have expected her to have stepped back a little in fear or anger, but she didn't – only clutched his arms where her hands had been peacefully resting a few minutes ago. "He's alright. I… I stopped when I…"

"But you had always been friends; what happened?"

"We got into a fight – it's a long story, but looking back on it now, I realize it was over petty matters," Severus muttered. "Stephen was shocked. He… After the incident, he told me that he shares your views."

"What?" Hermione asked, weakly.

"He's thought about it for a long time now," Severus said. He looked into her eyes, and felt her get lost in the obsidian darkness of his own eyes before saying, "I have a problem, Hermione."

xXxXx

Hermione was now sitting in the corner of the three-seater couch in the sitting room. Her legs were curled beneath her, as always, but her hands were free of the usual book or cup of tea. For some reason or another, it was this fact that half her mind was on as she numbly listened to Severus talk about what he and Stephen had discussed.

Severus was sitting in his own favourite armchair, only a foot away from where Hermione was curled up on the three-seater. He watched her stare at the coffee table as he talked.

Stephen had once suffered from the disease himself. Because of this, he understood what Severus was experiencing and told him that he would not press charges if he promised to go to therapy. The therapist he had seen was out of town until the end of the week, so Severus would just have to wait until then to start one-on-one counseling. At this point, he made Hermione promise not to talk about the matter with _anyone_, to which she had, not surprisingly, agreed whole-heartedly.

"Until then, Stephen says I'll just had to find a way to suppress rage when I meet it, and let it out later, when I'm away from whatever angered me in the first place," Severus ended. He studied Hermione, wondering if she was buying into what he was saying. He and Stephen had discussed everything, of course – what would happen if Hermione decided to talk to Alice about it? But, everything was pure BS…

Hermione, however, nodded. "How? Is there a way you're supposed to vent?"

Ah… Here was the part he'd been waiting for. Severus shrugged. "It's different for every person. Stephen said he used to run until he calmed down. Personally, I don't think that's for me. He said do whatever I have to do, as long as I don't hurt anybody." He noticed Hermione staring at the coffee table as she listened. He watched her carefully as he went on. "Usually, it's something… physical…" He waited to see if she would notice anything. She didn't react at all. "Like Stephen's running; he would keep going until he was out of breath."

Hermione nodded.

"Hermione?" Severus asked. "Are you alright?"

Hermione nodded again, but she looked up at him and smiled. "I don't know what to say," she said. "I know you hate sentimental stuff, but that's the only thing that comes to mind right now." Her voice broke and she looked away.

"Listen, I just want to go on as always, and not change anything in our lives…" Severus trailed off, and mentally kicked himself. No, that was not something that should've been said. "Just don't anger me," he added, quickly. To her surprised look, he smiled weakly in an attempt to convince her that he was… argh, _joking_… That was the most un-Severus thing ever… "I'm going to take a walk," he said, getting up.

Hermione also got up. "Would you like me to come?"

Severus smiled, but shook his head. "No, I would just like to reflect on this."

Hermione also attempted to smile, but it was weak. Instead, she nodded and then got up on her toes as she reached up and pecked his cheek in a good-bye. Severus let himself give her his amused, almost sarcastic, half-smile and then walked out of the room.

Severus walked out of the house, gently shutting the front door behind him instead of letting it slam shut as he usually did. Then he walked slowly to the front gate instead of taking the long, quick strides that he usually took. He closed the gate gently, too, and apparated.

Severus had to pay a visit to Remus Lupin – the man was a threat and needed to be dealt with. Stephen would never say anything; not to Hermione, and probably not even to Alice for fear that he himself would be caught for his role in Severus' charade. Filius would probably decide to take the safe route and stay out it; the last time he had gotten in the middle of one of Severus and Hermione's games, he'd ended up covered in purple fur for a full month. Remus, on the other hand, being a self-righteous Gryffindor who pretty much saw Hermione as the little sister he never had… would blab.

After work, Severus had asked Stephen to trail Remus and send him a message when Remus was coming home. On most Friday nights, Remus usually stopped at Madam Rosmeta's for a quick drink before heading home, but tonight, he most likely would've wanted to warn Hermione as soon as possible. Stephen was to alert Severus that Remus was starting home with galleons that they'd enchanted before leaving the Ministry of Magic Research Facility…

Severus smirked. If he was to be found out, he wondered what Hermione would do if she were to discover that the galleons, her own invention, had played a part in this ploy.

Severus had received no message from Stephen in all this time and could only assume that Remus had not started home yet.

Severus pulled his cloak tighter around himself and pulled the hat up. He bent his head down so that the top of it fell in front of his eyes and hid half his face. It was not as conspicuous as one might think – this was the wizarding world, after all. He hadn't done this in a while, but tonight, he didn't want to risk Remus seeing him. He just wanted to make sure that Stephen was holding up well and then leave.

Severus pushed the door open and stepped into the bar. He looked around, and scanned the crowds for Stephen or Remus, but was surprised and grew a little concerned when he didn't find them. Thinking quickly, he stepped in front of Madam Rosmeta, who was just passing by.

"Were either Remus Lupin or Stephen House here tonight?" he asked.

Madam Rosmeta eyed him curiously. "Good afternoon to you, too. How is your wife?"

"Just_ spiffing_. Were they here or not?"

"They were, but they left."

"When did Remus leave?"

"A while ago," Madam Rosmeta answered. "Why? What is this about?"

"When did Stephen leave?" Severus asked, not answering her question. He was a little annoyed – he had to know that Stephen was close enough to Remus without getting caught. Also, he was irritated by her answer. 'A while ago'?!

Madam Rosmeta rolled her eyes. "He left with Remus."

"Together? They left together?"

Madam Rosmeta raised her eye-brows in curiosity. "Yes, they left together," she replied. She thought for a second. "You know, Remus had looked a little tipsy." She shook her head. "I thought those two had too much to drink."

Severus looked at her questioningly. "What do mean?" he asked. "They were sitting together?"

Madam Rosmeta nodded. "Of course," she said.

A smirk broke out across Severus' lips. "Of course," he repeated. It was clear now … Stephen found it too boring to trail Remus, so he had decided to get him drunk instead.

"Well…" Madam Rosmeta said, wondering what was going on. "May I get you anything?"

Severus glanced at the clock mounted on the wall. This one – muggle invention - actually told time. He could not have been away for more than ten minutes. Was that long enough? … Better make it, at the very least, fifteen.

He nodded at Madam Rosmeta. "The usual," he mumbled, and went to take a bar seat. About ten minutes later, he stepped out into the night and apparated home. He appeared outside his house, right in front of the wooden gate. The sun was half-way gone behind the horizon. Everybody must have went indoors and all seemed quiet…

Severus eyed the Lupins' house, a little suspiciously. It was completely dark. Had Remus arrived home yet? Severus brushed the thought off… Whether or not Remus had made it home was completely irrelevant. If he wasn't home, that was fine. If he was, he was probably too drunk to tell Tonks anything or warn Hermione. Also, the galleon in his pocket hadn't yet messaged him a warning from Stephen, so everything must be okay.

But… Here's (yet another) lesson from his spy days: Double check _everything._

He turned away from the gate so that his back was to the house, and pulled out his galleon. It looked like a completely normal coin. He wrapped his hand around it and squeezed. The markings disappeared and the metal grew warm. Stephen's galleon would be reacting the same way.

Almost two minutes later, _**"Severus?"**_ suddenly appeared on the coin in a dark bronze colour.

Keeping the galleon in his hand, Severus used his thumb to outline his words. _**"Stephen?"**_ he asked.

"_**Yes."**_ The word disappeared. _**"Is everything alright?"**_ flashed across the coin, one word at a time.

"_**Is Remus with you?"**_ Severus wrote back.

"_**Yes,"**_ the reply came. _**"We're having drinks at my house. He's calling me back now."**_

"_**Right, then,"**_ Severus replied. _**"Just checking to make sure."**_

"_**He's almost passed out; he's quite drunk. Should I inform you if he does?"**_

"_**No, that will not be necessary. Just take him home should the situation arise, but do not let him out of your sight while he's conscious."**_

"_**Very well."**_

"_**One more thing, Stephen. Unless it is absolutely necessary, do not disturb me tonight."**_ Severus sent these words with a feeling of satisfaction. His friend did not reply immediately, and Severus could almost see the amused half smile that would be on his face at the moment.

"_**You sly…" **_ the response finally came. _**"Have a good night, Severus."**_

Chuckling slightly, Severus returned the galleon to his pocket, and turned back toward his own house. From here, he would erupt into the house, angered beyond all reason by something that had happened on his walk. So, he would have to do something physical to relieve the tension… Hermione, by now, should be so caught up in the drama of it all, that she'd do anything to help. From there, it was pretty straight forward. nudge nudge wink wink

But the thing was, when Severus burst into the house, he became quite irritated (for real) at once. The first thing he heard was an elderly woman's voice say, "Oh, that must be him, and he sounds quite moody. This whole house just shook!"

Then, Hermione's laughter. "It'll fall to the ground one day if it weren't for you, Doctor…"

Severus froze. What in Merlin's name…

He saw Hermione walk out of the doorway that led to the sitting room. She grinned when she saw him and greeted him with a tight hug. "Oh, God, I'm so glad you're finally home," she said.

"I've been gone for less than half an hour," Severus muttered. _How the hell much could she have done in half a bloody hour?!_

"I have a surprise for you," Hermione said, happily. She took his hand and pulled him toward the sitting room. "Doctor Doe – we'll call her Jayne – is a great psychologist, and she deals specially in IMS. I know her from work."

Hermione worked for St. Mungo's, and in the department of complicated illnesses. It was usually ones that couldn't be dealt only with magic and needed muggle therapy as well. She was one of their best, but she was currently working from home, sorting through their research, though she was still called in once in a while if they desperately needed her. It happened every few days.

"…She lives mostly in the muggle world, seems to like it better; I can understand why – even I miss TV sometimes, but now that she's in town for a few days, I thought 'what the hey,'" Hermione was saying. She turned to him. "Sev, I know you wanted to see whoever Stephen saw, but it does vary from person to person, so maybe you'll like her better. And she's never failed a case yet."

"Highly improbable," Severus wanted to savagely reply. Instead, he forced a wry half-smile. "We shall see," he said.

They entered the sitting room and Severus was immediately hit with an urge to curse the old woman who was sitting in _his_ favourite armchair. The woman was probably a bit older than McGonagall, with hair so white, it made him want to be sick. Her turquoise eyes looked a little blurry behind her thick, horn-rimmed glasses. Her face had a few wrinkles and crinkled a little more when she smiled. She was wearing a long white sweater and tapered brown slacks.

"Hellooo," she grinned at him. Severus suddenly thought of Cheshire cats… Also, her breath was nasally and wheezy – a highly annoying combination. "I'm Jayne Doe," she sang.

"So I've heard," Severus muttered, viciously.

"Pardon?" Hermione asked, leading him to the loveseat.

"Nothing," Severus answered. "Severus Snape," he said to Jayne with a quick nod of acknowledgement. He grudgingly (though careful to hide it) sat down beside Hermione.

Jayne leaned back in the armchair and grinned, showing all of her pearly white teeth. "Wow," she said. "You know, I never noticed when this young lady said it, but when _you_ say your name, it sounds so …" She trailed off and turned toward the window and fixed her gaze there as if asking the glass for its opinion.

A moment passed in silence.

Severus raised an eye-brow. "Severus sounds…" he prompted.

Jayne turned back and fixed him with a serious look. "Severe," she ended, nodding as if it was some great philosophical discovery.

"Ah…" Hermione said, nodding along.

Severus glanced at her, shocked for a second, but then decided to play along. In all seriousness, how long could this last?

Jayne nodded some more. "Sometimes," she said. "Sometimes, a person's source of…" she trailed off and turned back to the window again.

Another moment passed in empty silence, and Severus was about to give her another prompt when she whipped back to them. "Anger," she breathed. Severus raised an eye-brow. "A person's source of … anger … can be … _external_." She waved her arms around her as she said the last word. She nodded as if agreeing with herself, still waving her arms about.

Severus was almost stuttering… but he never did that, so he just raised an eye-brow at the woman. He turned to Hermione, who was nodding back at her.

"External," Hermione repeated, understandingly.

"External." Still waving her arms, Jayne continued. "People too often make the mistake in assuming that it all starts…" She breathed and suddenly clasped her hands to her chest. "Here."

Severus' jaw almost dropped, but he caught himself.

"Do you understand? Severus?" Jayne asked him.

Severus nodded. "Indeed," he answered, evenly.

"Do you?" she asked again.

"Yes," Severus confirmed. "My anger does not start within me. It is caused… by something…. or someone" - he eyed the woman, pointedly - "external."

The woman smiled. "Good," she whispered. "I understand that _you_ understand. Very… _good_."

"Wonderful," Severus remarked, his voice deadpan.

"No!" Jayne suddenly exclaimed. She looked at him, earnestly. "_Good_."

Severus eyed her, warily. "Agreed," he said, nevertheless.

Jayne nodded. "Tonight, we will find your main sources of anger and work out ways that you may…" She paused dramatically, and Severus expected her to turn to the window again. Instead she kept her eyes fixed to his. "Deal with them," she finished.

At Severus' left, Hermione suddenly sighed, almost sounding relieved. Severus glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Obviously, he'd taken things a little too far… Now, how to escape this situation without rousing suspicion from her that something was off?

"Tell me, Severus," Jayne was saying. "Why do you wear all black all the time?"

Severus blinked. "What?" he asked, surprised. What in the blazes did his attire have to do with his mood? "I wear black because it is… practical," he answered.

"Practical?" Jayne asked, softly.

Severus shrugged briefly. "If it is any help, I wear gray, too." He normally would not have volunteered information like this, but he just wanted Hermione to stay off-track. The only way to do this was to make her truly believe that he was making an effort.

Jayne shook her head. "What is so … practical … about those colours?"

"I feel comfortable in them," he answered with a shrug. "May I ask how this concerns my temper?"

"Perhaps," Jayne said, looking thoughtful. "You wear black to keep up a certain image."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Yes, that makes sense," Hermione suddenly piqued up. She turned to him. "I mean you can't seem like the tough, bad guy on the good side if you wore bright colours."

"Or," Severus interrupted, wryly. "Perhaps I just feel comfortable in these colours."

To his surprise, Hermione nodded. "True," she murmured. She turned back to Jayne. "I don't think it's just his clothes. Sometimes, it's like he prefers darkness, in general."

Jayne nodded. "This is helpful," she said. "Severus, is this true?"

Severus ignored her and raised an eye-brow at Hermione. "I hardly see the reasoning behind that assumption."

"It looks like Severus disagrees," Jayne said.

For some odd reason, the way she pointed out the obvious irritated Severus much further than it should have.

Hermione shrugged. "Well, think about it. You always wear black. Your classroom at Hogwarts is in the dungeons. _And_, and - " She turned to Jayne. "Oh, Jayne, you don't know this." Jayne looked at her, curiously and Hermione continued. "In the middle of the war, I got captured - "

Jayne gasped. "How _awful_!"

"But I got lucky, because they decided to give me to him as a reward - "

"Yes, how _lucky_," Jayne agreed.

"When I first went to his old house on Spinner's End, by God; it was darker than the Hogwarts dungeons," Hermione finished.

"Because the fires were not lit," Severus muttered.

"I opened a few curtains to let the light in," Hermione said, looking at Severus. She turned to Jayne and mouthed, "he freaked out."

"I… 'freaked out' – yes, Hermione, I saw that – because there was a man in my house whom I wanted to keep secret and I did not want the Dark Lord to look in the window at the wrong time and see you - "

"Wait!" Jayne exclaimed. "Wait, wait, wait." She looked at Severus curiously. "There was a secret man in your house?"

"Peter Pettigrew," Hermione supplied. "He was living with him at the time."

"Oh," Jayne breathed. A sort of enlightened look came across her face. "Is that the problem?"

"What?" Severus and Hermione asked at the same time – though their tones varied. Severus sounded quite sarcastic and Hermione's was really excited.

Jayne cleared her throat. "Perhaps, a large load of the tension in this house comes because of her," she said, nodding at Hermione, who looked baffled.

"Me?!" she asked, indignantly.

Jayne nodded. "You see… Though he wanted it to have been kept secret, Severus had a man living with him. And, judging from what you've said so far, this other man, this dark lord, visited quite often, too. Obviously Severus prefers male companionship and sees the presence of a woman in his household as – excuse me, Hermione – something of a… burden."

Hermione and Severus – yes, Severus, too – were too stunned to reply as what Jayne was getting at dawned on them.

Jayne, however, looked unfazed by their response and continued. "Perhaps this explains the darkness and the dark clothes. You were constantly called upon by someone you keep referring to as the dark lord; you obviously wanted to please him to the utmost of your - "

"Stop!" Severus suddenly heard himself yell. He opened his mouth to tell the woman exactly what he thought of this little theory when he heard the word again… Except it wasn't him…

Severus whipped around and saw Remus Lupin leaning against the door, panting for breath, but nevertheless glaring viciously at them. He jumped up, getting ready to verbally fight it out with him when he noticed that Remus was glaring past him and at Jayne and Hermione.

Having caught his breath, Remus straightened up and stepped into the room. "Dammit, Tonks!" he exclaimed.

Severus narrowed his eyes at him, and then slowly turned around. Jayne's sickeningly white hair had turned into an even more sickening pink. The rest of the transformation took place, and Nymphadora Tonks was left sitting where Jayne Doe had been a moment ago. She got up and brushed herself off, then looked at her husband with a condescending expression on her face. "Remus, please, we were just making progress."

Severus, very uncharacteristically, did not know how to deal with Tonks at the moment, and was stopping himself from looking in Hermione's direction – because if he looked at her, something very, _very_ bad would happen – and, therefore, turned to Remus.

"What the hell happened?" he asked, his voice low.

"Let's just say that Stephen'll be taking a sick day tomorrow to nurse the hangover he'll have," Remus said.

"Do not speak in riddles, Remus…"

Remus sighed. "Stephen showed up at Rosmeta's, and tried to get me drunk by slipping an alcohol-enhancing potion into my drink. But I noticed, and switched our drinks, so he was the one who got drunk."

"Madam Rosmeta said it was you," Severus said.

Remus shook his head. "She thought it was me. I switched our cloaks and pulled the hoods up. You see, just in case you had back-up outside, I levitated Stephen and kept him steady and stumbled around a bit, myself. I kept him close to me so it looked like he was trying to help me out, not the other way around."

Severus cursed softly. "So it was you I spoke to earlier?"

Remus nodded. He breathed deeply for a second. "I had… warned Hermione by owl before I left the MMRF."

Severus muttered something so inappropriate, it would have made a sailor blush.

"Gods, Remus, why then did you ruin what we were doing?!" Tonks demanded.

"Because as wrong as Severus was to start his plot, what you two are doing is just as bad!" Remus retorted.

"Really? I thought we just made a break-thr…" Tonks stopped talking as she met Severus' gaze. "No, we were wrong, really, really wrong," she started muttering as she moved around him and behind Remus. "Let's leave now," she hissed to her husband.

Remus had turned to Hermione and was looking at her in concern. Tonks followed his gaze. "Oh, how could I forget?" she exclaimed. "Tonight's girls' night!" She suddenly pushed Remus forward. "Hermione's sleeping over at our house, so you can stay here."

"Wh-what?!" Remus asked, aghast. "I can't leave you! You – you're pregnant and - "

"No, Remus, I'm not pregnant. I'm fat," Tonks replied, sarcastically.

Remus shut his eyes. "Oh, dear God, not this again," he murmured.

"Yes, this again," Tonks retorted.

"Good, good, fight this out – murder each other in the process," Severus suddenly spoke up, enough venom in his voice to make even Voldemort flinch. "Just do it out of my house!"

Sending Hermione apologetic looks, Remus and Tonks stumbled out. As soon as the two were gone, Severus rounded on Hermione, who had her arms crossed over her chest and was glaring back at him.

Severus snarled at her, but found himself at a loss for words – well not really. He had a lot of things to… say… but couldn't decide which to say first.

So for a moment, they just stood and stared each other down.

Hermione shook her head, slowly. "You lying, _conniving_ - "

"Yes, that's me," Severus interrupted, sarcastically. "And what about you, my dear? My _angel_… 'Jayne Doe?!'"

Hermione didn't even bother pointing out there was probably not one girl on earth who was named Jayne Doe – it was such a muggle thing, after all, how would he know? "Only because you started it!" Hermione retorted instead. Once the words left her mouth, she realized how childish that sounded, and moved to negate it. "I wanted to help – that was all. What did you expect me to do if you went and took advantage of the situation?! What you did was - "

"I don't care what I did," Severus cut her off. In response to the insulted and shocked look on her face, he added, "That's right. And do you know why? I didn't bring Tonks into it! This was _personal_, and I, for one, kept it that way."

Hermione stared at him for a second, a deadpanned expression on her face. "I never knew you, Remus and Stephen were so close," Hermione stated, sounding calm.

"Do not even attempt to show me cheek - " Severus started, trying with every ounce of his strength to remain in control of his rage.

Hermione interrupted him. "No, Sev, I'm not trying to be rude," she said, feeling a bit calmer now herself because of where the conversation was heading. "It was wrong for me to bring Tonks in because you chose to share your feelings with Remus and Stephen. I mean, I should have realized that you guys were… tight." She observed him for a second, and bit back a smile. "You deserve them. Especially since it's been so long since Pettigrew and Voldemort."

A tense moment passed in silence.

"Is that what you think?" Severus asked, his voice dangerously low. His rage was slipping; he couldn't hold it in…

Hermione didn't even hesitate. "Yes."

And that one word let the beast out.

Hermione didn't see it coming. One moment, she was standing rigidly, glaring at Severus who was a few feet away from her – the next, she'd been swung off her feet and smashed up against the wall. Severus kept her up by pinning both her arms to the wall as he crushed his lips against her own. He ignored the muffled protests she made as he attacked her mouth, and only stopped for half a second to smirk slightly when Hermione, who had been trying desperately to find a footing, finally wrapped her legs around his waist.

He pressed himself up against her, now keeping her up with his torso as he let her arms go to slip his hands to her waist. As soon as he did, Hermione threw her arms around his neck (for fear of falling, she'd tell herself later) and gasped against his mouth when she felt him start tearing off her blouse.

Gasping for breath, she turned her head to the side in a half-hearted attempt to avoid his lips. This did not stop Severus, who just moved down to her jaw line, not only kissing, but not too gently biting her skin as he made his way down to her neck. He had her blouse fully undone… well, torn down the middle… and was now doing the same to the back of her bra.

Hermione bit down a moan. "Sev," she managed, her voice coming out in gasps. "Wha- What are you doing?"

Severus found her pulse beneath the sensitive skin of her neck and bit down on it, causing her to cry out in both pain and pleasure, before responding. "What does it look like, angel?" he asked, darkly. "I'm irritated – and I'm letting it out."

xXxXxXx

Hermione woke up and instantly wished she could go back to sleep. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the clock – 4:06am… Why was she up?

She groaned, softly, and stopped when Severus seemed to stir. He was sleeping almost on top of her, with his arms firmly around her waist and his face buried into the left side of her neck. She did not want to wake him up... Severus moved his head a little, and his lips ran softly over one of the bite marks on her neck. Hermione froze as that spot on her neck stung and a shiver (though not an unpleasant one) ran up her spine at the same time. She smiled wryly. Even in his sleep… But, she still did not want to wake him up. Why?

Because she was already aching. Her whole body (and certain parts more so than others) was throbbing and sore. Hermione closed her eyes. What had happened to her just a few short hours ago, she decided, was the true meaning of the word "ravishment." She really couldn't think of another word for it. Maybe if her protests hadn't sounded completely false and had not been negated by how the rest of her body was reacting, she could call it rape. In any case, as much as she had enjoyed it (yes, she did enjoy it and she could admit that to _herself_; she enjoyed every moment of it. Even some of painful parts had a sense of pleasure to them. This, however, she could never tell Severus… just _think_ how he'd react…), she was paying for it _now_.

It was then that she noticed that the position she was in was a little uncomfortable. She was lying on her back, her bosom was completely covered by Severus' chest, her arms around his neck and resting on his back, and her legs entangled with his. She wanted to lay on her side, and shift some of his weight off her – she normally wouldn't have minded so much about his chest on hers, but, as already mentioned, certain body parts ached more so than others and her breasts were one of them.

So, Hermione tried to slide out from under him first. But, she was met with a problem when she did this. As soon as she moved her left leg, a sharp pain shot through the most sensitive part of her body. She gasped and bit her lip to keep from making any more noise. 'You've got to be joking,' she thought, worriedly. Yes, it had been a little painful a few hours ago, but her immense pleasure had overridden it easily. But _now_…

'Okay,' Hermione told herself. 'Move very, very slowly…' She decided to try with her right leg this time. She did so, and met a more toned down version of the same result as last time. It hurt less, but it still hurt. "Dammit," she whispered, out loud and this made her notice that her bottom lip also felt … raw. She moaned, shutting her eyes and waiting for the pain to subside.

"Don't swear, Hermione. It doesn't suit you."

Hermione froze. 'This can't get any worse,' she thought.

Beside her, Severus huffed, sarcastically. "Good morning to you, too, Sunshine," he muttered.

"Please don't read my mind," Hermione answered, a strained look coming across her face. 'Please, _please_, don't…'

Severus buried his face into the side of her head. "It's the middle of the night – why did you wake me up?"

"I didn't," Hermione murmured. She winced – it had come out kind of whiny.

"Yes, you did," Severus contradicted. He studied her for a moment and smirked. "Woke up for more?"

Her eyes wide, Hermione quickly shook her head.

Severus chuckled softly, and his breath tickled her ear. She tensed and he felt it. The smug smirk still on his lips, he started twirling a few strands of her hair between his fingers. "I don't know why you insist on lying to me…" He let her hair go, and started moving his hand lower. His fingers grazed her cheek and neck as they made their way toward more sensitive flesh.

"No, no, Sev, please," Hermione said. And her tone didn't betray her this time.

Severus froze and looked at her. "What is it?"

Hermione bit her lip and looked away. "I can't."

Severus raised an eye-brow. "And why not?"

Hermione closed her eyes, getting ready for his reaction, which would no doubt be unbearable. She took a deep breath. "It hurts," she mumbled in a small voice. For a second, there was silence. Hermione risked opening an eye, and saw that Severus was staring back at her with an readable expression on his face. "What?" she asked, opening both eyes.

Severus sighed. He got up, a flick of his wand (which had been lying on a table nearby), and he was dressed. "Elaborate?" he said to her then.

A little relieved that he was out of the mood, Hermione told him what was wrong. "Every time I move my legs, it really, really hurts," she explained. She paused for a second, and decided to go on. He wasn't being a total jerk about it, so she might as well tell him what's wrong and ask him to pick her up some pain relieving potion while she's at it. "My chest hurts, too."

"Your chest?" Severus asked. He narrowed his eyes. "Like how? Like heart burn…?"

"No, Sev," Hermione interrupted. She sighed, predicting that he was going to react unpleasantly. "My breasts," she clarified. For a split second, she saw amusement flicker in his eyes. "It was your fault," she said, accusingly. "You took things too far." For good measure, she added, "And my neck and lips hurt where you bit me."

"Do they?" Severus asked, the smug smirk now back on his lips. He crossed his arms over his chest as he looked her over. "So… Let's me see if I've got this straight. You're lying there, unable to move because the slightest movement would result in pain."

Hermione groaned. "See, Sev, it's when you use that voice is when people suspect you of being a Death Eater."

Severus gave her a wry half-smile. "And I know you love the danger," he stated. He eyed her for a second, ignoring the look she gave him. He sighed, and his brow furrowed and he pretended to think. "My, my, what a problem… How_ever_ will you get out of this one?"

Hermione groaned, inwardly. Something must be done… She looked up at him with Bambi eyes and a small pout. "Get me something, Sev, _please_," she asked. "You wouldn't just leave me – you couldn't."

Severus looked at her, indifferently. "Oh, I think I can." And he turned around and started walking toward the door.

Hermione mentally slapped herself. Why did she think that would work? Sometimes she forgot Severus Snape wasn't human. She resorted to Plan B and looked up at him, determinedly. "Sev," she called.

He stopped and turned around. "What?" he asked.

Hermione almost scowled. He would not have responded so quickly under normal circumstances – he was baiting her. The bastard knew what she was about to do. Hermione sighed, inwardly. But what choice did she have? "I'll make a deal with you," she offered.

Severus smirked and walked back to the bed. "Your offer?"

"Help me, and I'll make it worth your while," Hermione stated.

"How?"

Hermione so hated the look he had on his face just then, that she could not help but scowl. "I'll forget what you tried to pull with the IMS matter."

Severus scowled, before saying "No."

Hermione leaned back against the pillows, feeling a headache coming on. "I can't do this now…"

Severus jerked his head once in a nod. "You just lay there and think about your side of the deal… What could _you_ do for _me_?" He eyed her pointedly. "It shouldn't be that hard to figure out." And once again, he turned around again and started out.

Hermione had carefully pulled the blanket closer around her and shut her eyes before something occurred to her. "Sev, wait!" she called again, her eyes snapping open. Severus turned, barely a foot away and raised an eye-brow. "Sev, it's four in the morning – where are you going?" she asked.

Severus smirked. "I'll go where I wish," he told her. "If you have a problem with it, simply get up and stop me." He responded to the incredulous look on her face by firmly pressing his lips against her own to which she cried out in protest when they stung. Chuckling to himself, Severus left, closing the door behind him and Hermione had no choice but to angrily let sleep overtake her.

It seemed that she had only blinked when Hermione woke up again. Her eyes slightly opened and she realized it was still dark. The clock read 4:37am. She was tired, but she could not ignore the firm, but gentle hand that was rubbing her neck. She groaned, softly. "Sev?" she whispered.

"Yes?"

"That feels good…"

"Some things feel better."

"What are you doing?"

"What does it feel like?"

"A massage."

Severus scowled in the dark, and suddenly pressed down a little too hard, making Hermione yelp a little. "I'm not nice enough," he stated, going back to what he was doing before.

Hermione didn't respond for a second. Then, she noticed a faint smell in the air… She couldn't place it, but it smelled nice. "What is that?" she asked.

"The scent of this potion. Personally, I loathe it."

Hermione thought for a second. Potion…? … … … She suddenly noticed that she was on her stomach (Severus was rubbing the potion into the back of her neck) … So she must have moved … She didn't feel so sore anymore … She moved a leg… nothing … Unfortunately, for some reason or another without thinking of the consequences of doing such a thing, she decided to voice this discovery.

"I could _fix_ that," Severus snarled. He finished off her neck. "Done," he muttered.

Hermione turned onto her back and could barely make the outline of his shape in the dark room. "Can you please put the light on?" she asked.

"No," came the short reply. "I'm going to sleep."

As soon as he said this, Hermione felt the mattress move a little under his weight as he lay down, and only seconds later, felt his arm snake around her waist. Smiling softly to herself, she snuggled into him, resting her head against his chest as she felt his breath in her hair. "Why?" she asked, softly.

"Why what?" he muttered, grumpily into her hair.

Hermione almost swooned at the sweetness. A sleep-deprived Severus… This was as childlike as he would ever get. "Why did you just do that?" she clarified.

"If I didn't do it now, I would have had to do it in the morning, and I'm not one to procrastinate," Severus stated, his voice growing irritated.

"So there will be no deal?" Hermione asked.

There was no reply.

"I suppose we'll have to stand by our earlier agreement then," she murmured. "I'll forget the charade you tried to pull."

"When did you start assuming things without grounds of reason?!" Severus suddenly hissed.

"What?" Hermione asked.

Severus sighed, angrily and said nothing.

"Sev?" Hermione asked, curious now. "What do you mean?"

Severus was silent, and Hermione thought that he had decided to ignore her question. When she was about to ask again, he spoke. "Stephen and I told Remus and Filius that I was going to lie to you so that they would not find out that I was going to see Brown."

Hermione frowned, a dozen questions running through her head. "Brown?" she asked, first.

"Brown," Severus repeated. "Dr. Brown. The one Stephen saw."

Hermione felt something hit her in the gut as she thought about this. "Sev… What are you talking about?" she whispered.

"I did not want Remus to know about any of this, so Stephen and I lied to him. We lied to Filius, too – Remus had told him what had happened last night. Apparently, Tonks had been out for his blood and Remus needed help, so he'd run to Filius, figuring I'd be too busy dealing with you and IMS," Severus explained. "So you see why I told him what I did. Just imagine how those two would react – especially Remus. If I had told him the truth, he probably would have arranged a congratulatory surprise party."

"But… But Remus doesn't believe in it," Hermione pointed out.

"Remus does not believe in IMS; he believes I lose my temper too quickly. He thinks I should work on that," Severus told her. "And besides, if I told him that I believed in IMS, he would have jumped in with both feet."

A small voice in Hermione's head mused that that would have been friendly of Remus, but it was drowned out by louder voices that were going on about IMS and how Severus was actually _dealing_ with it.

"Oh, my God," she whispered. "You…"

"So you would understand now why I was furious when I found out about _your_ charade," Severus continued, sounding quite vicious.

"Oh my God!" Hermione gasped. She turned onto her side and threw her arms around him. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" Severus grunted in reply, and Hermione moved back into the position she was in before she hugged him. "Do you forgive me?" she whispered, her voice begging.

"Well… I suppose I got suitable revenge…" Severus mused, smiling wryly. Hermione almost sighed in relief, but he continued. "But you enjoyed it too much for it to have been 'revenge.' Also, I did just help you right now. I even dressed you."

Hermione suddenly noticed that she was wearing her a silk nightgown. It was probably the black one, Severus' favourite… She didn't know how to feel about this… On the one hand, she was thankful, it felt good to be dressed or she would probably would have been panting over him all night. On the other hand, do husbands usually… Why would Severus…?

"Do not even mention Pettigrew or Voldemort over this," Severus interrupted her musings. His tone told her he knew exactly what she was thinking about. "If I had left you nude while massaging the potion all over you, I would have ended up doing you even more damage." He felt her cheeks grow hot against his chest and a small smile formed on his lips.

"Thank you," she murmured.

Severus grunted in reply.

"Do you forgive me?" she suddenly asked again. "For everything?"

Severus was silent for a second. "You're indebted to me," he stated. "And you will have to pay."

Hermione sighed, softly, but then nodded. "Will you… repeat what you did? Is that how I'll pay you back?" she asked.

Severus chuckled, sarcastically. "No," he stated. "You think I would ask permission first?" He felt her cheeks go red in the dark. "I could only let my anger out on you if you were the one who provoked me, Hermione, never forget that. Understood?" He felt her nod against his chest. "Besides," he added. "If I keep letting it out on you in such a fashion, _you_ might not survive."

Hermione whimpered loudly and pressed her legs firmly together. "Sev…" she whined.

"I speak the truth," Severus interrupted, a little amused by her reaction but careful to hide it. "Now," he stated in an end-of-discussion tone. "I am going to sleep and so will you. But, first: Promise me that you will never mention IMS or Brown to anybody except Stephen House. And I do not even want you talking about me with him. If you have any problems, bring them to me. Understood?"

"Yes, Sev, I promise," Hermione replied, readily as she snuggled up to him. "I'll do anything I can to help. I love you," she whispered, her voice growing softer as she started slipping to sleep. She sounded _so_ sorry and _so_ docile…

"And I you," Severus said. "My angel…"

And that was the last thing Hermione heard before she fell completely asleep, blissfully content and already wanting so much to please him, to make everything up to him.

She did not feel him smirk evilly against her lips as he kissed her good night.

End of Chapter 2

xXxXxXxXx

Creatress: WOOT!!! Surprise twist at the ending!!! You guys thought she was going to catch him at a bar or something, eh? Hehe…

Sev: 'Eh.' What a Canadian thing to say…

Creatress: Eh… Don't piss off the Canadian… We're not as peaceful as we let on…

Mione: Really?

Sev: (snorts) Right… You and your peace-loving, beer-drinking, hockey-playing, geese-filled –

Creatress: AH!! That reminds me… To a special, Kiwi friend –

Sev: Kiwi?

Creatress: New Zealander… Yes, Sevvie, I reacted the same way…

Sev: At least they aren't geese-loving…

Creatress: (rolls eyes) Anywhoo… Special shout-out to penname jayne.doe!! Hope you loved that psychologist - I was writing the therapy part while I was talking to you, hehe!!

Mione: Um, yes. Anyways, jayne.doe, Creatress knows she screwed you a little –

Sev: With the granny hair and horn glasses… Not to mention the nasal voice…

Mione: So, she's going to pay you back the way all evil people with internet space do…

Creatress: ADS!! Hey all my readers, read some of this girl's fics!! They're hilarious – they'll tide you over until I get the next chapter of this thing is out… Also, a reminder: Reviews make me type faster! Also, anyone who has ideas or requests for the next chapter, don't hesitate to message me! That's it. Creatress out. Ciao!! REVIEW!!! (plz)

Sev: Canadian politeness…


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